By Gavin Gillar
Joshua 1:9; Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
In about three months, I will be going to Mexico for a year with the ELCA’s Young Adults in Global Mission (YAGM) program. YAGM is a year of accompaniment, faith formation, and service abroad. I will be living with a host family and integrated into the local community, growing and learning alongside them.
The process of country placement for Young Adults in Global Mission is one of mutual discernment- both the potential YAGM candidate and the YAGM staff, volunteers, and country coordinators are all in constant communication. Mutual discernment happens over the course of months, starting from the moment you fill out your application and going into many rounds of interviews and finally ending in Chicago with DIP; Discernment, Interview, and Placement. Ultimately though, the final decision on where you go is out of your hands, something that simultaneously brought me peace and frustration.
About a month before DIP my placements were narrowed down to one of two countries, either Mexico or the United Kingdom. While neither of these were my first choice, I realized I’d be happy with either.
Going into DIP, I felt uncharacteristically strong and courageous, that I could take on the world. As the final step in our mutual discernment, they gave us a notecard to write down what we thought about our options, encouraging us to write as little or as much as we wanted to. I went back and forth on which option I’d be happier with, and wrote my thoughts extensively on this little notecard. I wrote everything I could think of, down to being nervous that I might not like the cloudy weather in the United Kingdom, but ultimately my discernment came down to this; I believed that I might have an easier time in the United Kingdom, and would probably even be happier, but Mexico with its different culture and language would challenge me more and I would grow. I turned in my discernment card, happy in the knowledge that it was out of my hands, but still incredibly nervous.
That afternoon, they took us into a chapel, and read our names and placements one by one.
“Gavin Gillar, Mexico.”
It didn’t really hit me. I called my mom, and it didn’t really hit me. I went on a walk with my new friends, and it didn’t really hit me.
Then, we went to separate rooms based on country, and one by one everyone said how they were feeling. They all seemed to be really excited. I was the only one who didn’t talk, but I was thinking in my head; am I the only one freaking out right now?
I stepped out of the room, and I went outside and it hit me. I was going to Mexico for a year. It was so far out of character, so far removed from anything I had ever done. At that moment I was not strong, and I was not courageous, I was panicking.
Yet I spent the evening talking it over with people, with my friends and with the YAGM staff and with the pastors, and by the time I woke up the next morning I was feeling much better about it all. That night I stayed up late chatting with my friends and as they began to go to bed one by one, I went outside into the hotel parking lot. I laid down on a bench and stared up into the sky, the brisk Chicago air on my skin.
And it hit me all over again. But this time I was not panicking. No, this time I realized that sitting in that hotel parking lot in Chicago, I felt the happiest I had in a long time. And I realized that perhaps I did not need to take on the world to be strong and courageous.
I am going to Mexico for a year, something unimaginably far outside of my comfort zone, but I have a community supporting me and most importantly the Lord my God with me wherever I go.
If you would like to support me directly, each YAGM candidate is encouraged to raise $10,000. Any donation, large or small, would be greatly appreciated. You can donate at https://give.elca.org/page/88298/donate/1 – in the box “My Gift Will Support,” please scroll down to select my name (Gavin Gillar).